The Invisible Dancing Fairy of Dumb-Ass Land

And we're not there.

What we're doing is chillin', eating chili, and trying not to turn our eyeballs. Well, that last part is only me. Remember how I said it didn't hurt so much? That was before. Now it hurts a lot, especially if I look around with my eyes. Turning my head hurts some too because my eyes have to re-focus.

( Here's a picture of my eye, cut for weak stomachs, though it's really not that bad... )

Anyway, I hope everyone has fun tonight, and almost_lindsey and khanfused, sorry we couldn't make it.

My surgery today went really well and I'm only slightly uncomfortable. They always tell you it won't hurt and then it does, so I didn't believe them, but they were right for once.

I shouldn't be online right now, I'm not supposed to read or watch TV, but I thought Id put something up so that people could know that I'm ok.

For those of you who tuned in a little late on this, about 8 years ago, my very good friend died. She and I first met in the middle of the street when we were 9, and after about 6 words, we were best friends.

We were best friends through a lot of crap, up to and including a year of surgeries- for both of us. She had 2 knee surgeries our freshman year, while I had 4 eye surgeries. She was always there for me for things like that. Birthdays, surgeries, breakups. On a day to day level, well, she could be kind of a crappy friend, but when it really came down to it, she was there.

I'm having surgery on Thursday, and I feel like I just don't know how to do this without her. She was one of the most broken human beings I've ever known, yet, she had the most amazing ability to make me feel better. I so miss that.

Sleep: Pretty much ruined by the need to wake up and take an eyedrop every hour and a half. Did the trick, though, and unlike the night before, last night I did not, in fact, wake up at 4 am with such pain that I felt I'd be better off digging the eye out with a spoon.

Baby: It's like she has some kind of magic honing device that makes her smack me in the eye by accident 10 times a day. Truthfully, if she gently touched it, it would feel like a smack, so it really doesn't take much.

Work: Can't go in today, I have to navigate dr's appointments and other craziness in preparation for the impending eye surgery.

Wait, eye surgery, you say?: Ok that is not so much a category but oh well... I have to have eye surgery. Not like, in the foreseeable future, or eventually, but like, this month. My regular ophthalmologist was dicking me around so much that I finally ditched him and went to a corneal specialist, who was basically shocked that he hadn't referred me to one already. What is the deal with that? Why did I have to take the situation into my own hands!? Anyway, yeah, surgery.

The upside is that the surgery should make the agony go away. That would be nice, wouldn't it? The thing is, there's basically nothing you can do for the pain. It fucking hurts, and that's the way it is. No otc drugs help, there's no drops to help, and narcotics only barely take the edge off, so what's the point? The only other option there might be until such time as the surgery is accomplished is steroids. I was on them for the hives after I had that horrible reaction, and my eye got all better for a while there, so I'm going to ask the doc about that today. My guess is that it won't be an option because of what it does to your immune system, and my whole 'about to have eye surgery' situation.

Poo. Poo! I want her to schedule the surgery for like, tomorrow, and put an end to this. I know she probably can't, but one can hope.


**hopes**

EDIT: For anyone who is curious about specifics, this is the surgery I'm having... though it might be slightly modified/more complicated because I have tubes in my eye. I will find out much more today.

Trying to see the bright side of all this.

1. They say that if the amount of drugs I absorbed from the eyedrops I took was enough to send me to the ER, if I'd ever taken the drug in pill form, I would have just died.

2. The cornea may last a couple years yet, just depending on how long between blisters I can last.

But the dark side (use the force, Luke!) is a tiny bit overshadowing...

1. I still have hives and I'm starting to wonder if maybe this isn't a drug allergy.

2. There's no good test for this particular allergen - RAST tests are generally inconclusive and not only can I not take a skin test while I'm on Prednisone and Benedryl, it might be too risky to try it anyway.

3. The pressure in my right eye is elevated, which is a bad thing.

4. The chances of a corneal transplant going south are much higher because of my implants and the glaucoma.

Sigh. I just want to be healthy again. This bites.

For the second time today...

My husband stabbed me in the leg and I had to go to the ER.

Short story long...

I had a reaction (probably to the eyedrops they gave me yesterday) and went into anaphylaxis. Michael stabbed me in the leg with my epi-pen. The ER trip wasn't too painful - other than the incredibly cute but not very coherent doctor who pretty much got everything wrong and missed the fact that I had been epi-penned until we were getting ready to leave. *facepalm*

I can't seem to catch a break this week.

Now to fall into bed and die.